


Broken

by seward907



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-18 11:47:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1427332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seward907/pseuds/seward907
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor is broken, and needs some healing. Set right after the end of the Time War. Explores the Doctors point of view. Not completely a rewrite of the season, though there will be different parts mentioned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He comes out of his regeneration with a cry of pain.

He falls to his knees on the floor of the TARDIS and brings his hands to his eyes, feeling already the first tears of this new body.

All those people. My people. He thinks.

He cannot form any coherent thought except for I killed them all which plays in his head on repeat.

He crawls to the console and sits up against it. He feels the TARDIS in the back of his mind, offering him pity, but he shuts her out. He shuts it all out. He forces the TARDIS out of his mind because he doesn't deserve pity. He deserves blame. He deserves death.

He thinks about it. He gets up and paces the floor, taking off the scarf and the long leather jacket. He wants no more of that man who had killed them all. He opens the TARDIS door and looks out into space, out into a universe with no more Galifrey. With no more home.

There is not one single Time Lord left except for him. He knows it, and he feels it. He feels so empty and it hurts. Millions extinguished by his own hand. How could he have done that, he thinks, how could the universe allow him to have done that?

He wants to go back, but he knows he can't.

He could take one step, he thinks. One step and he would be gone and it would end, this terrible burning guilt would end. He could fall with his people and die and be with them at last. No more Galifrey, and then no more Time Lords.

He thinks about it but can't, because he is the only one left. And he doesn't deserve death. Death would be kind and he doesn't deserve kindness.

He turns around and the TARDIS shuts the doors for him and he walks around the console. He shouts and screams and no one is left to hear him. No one but The TARDIS who has been shut out.

His hands reach up to pull his hair, only to find that his hair is too short. Instead, he uses his hands to bang on the walls and throw things to the floor. Soon his console is a mess and somewhere in that empty mind of his he remembers that the TARDIS doesn't deserve his wrath so he finds his room and continues his tirade there.

He rages until he can't anymore and he's left sitting on the floor, feeling empty.

He's stuck, and he has no one. And it is all his fault.

When the TARDIS finally gives up on trying to reach him through their telepathic link, the Doctor is sitting in his room. He stares out into empty space. Around him is smashed glass from the lamp. His clothes are strewn about the room in a haphazard manner and much can be said the same for the rest of his belongings. Bits of this and that he had collected during his travels were now laying across the room in no particular pattern. But he couldn't bring himself to care.

He brings an old vintage bottle of human brandy he had found, to his lips and grimaces at the taste. He doesn't know why he bothers because he can't get drunk on the stuff anyway but he doesn't know what else to do. He can't think of a single thing that he should be doing, or if he should ever do anything ever again.

He remembers bitterly that he had always been able to save the humans. He had always managed a victory over the universe's greatest foes, the Daleks and even the Cybermen. Sure this wasn't his first defeat but he had never failed so miserably before. Now an entire race has disappeared from the universe. And not just any old species, but his species. The people who had a monopoly on time itself. The race that had once been revered as Gods to many other life forms throughout the universe.

Now the only one left to represent that once great nation was him. This daft excuse of a Time Lord whose punishment for destroying an entire species was life.

So he sits on the ground at the foot of his bed. He doesn't know how long he does that for. His mind is lost, caught up in counting the amount of people who must have died, the amount of children. He's torturing himself and he knows it. But who else is going to remember them now?

The TARDIS dims the lights as her Time Lord grieves. She knows that the events of that day would haunt him for the rest of his life, but she also knows that the pain won't last forever. There wasn't much the TARDIS could do however.

So the TARDIS began its repairs in the console room by herself and decides it is time to remodel. The Doctor doesn't need any more death, so she gives the room life in the coral columns that now rise from the floor and curl towards the ceiling. She lessens the bright white light that had previously been illuminating the room to a softer yellow, more gentle.

All the while, the Doctor stays in his room. And for the first time in his life, he isn't feeling that age-old urge to leave and explore, and live.


	2. Chapter 2

It seems years until the Doctor gets up. He can't seem to shake the emptiness. It's gnawing away at him and he knows that if he doesn't get up now, he might end up rotting away in his room. There's also the fact that his new body is hungry and he supposes that it's no use starving to death after everything. It is after this thought that he decides to get up.

He makes his way slowly to the kitchen and finds that the TARDIS has already placed a modest meal on the table. He sits down and takes a bite of the stew but finds that he doesn't like the taste quite as much as he used to. He ends up taking a single banana and heading back to his room to think.

It takes time but within a couple of weeks, the Doctor is back to moving around the TARDIS, repairing or updating various parts of the ship. The Doctor was never one to sit still for too long and but there was something remarkably different about this Doctor.

He had moved away from the suits and softer material worn by his previous regenerations and donned a black leather jacket. He hadn't even thought about moving the TARDIS from the vortex and went for long periods of time without sleep, even more so than usual. He also didn't talk as much as he used too.

The TARDIS could see this and knew that he needed time. But she was worried. The universe still needed The Doctor and if he kept sitting around and sulking in self-pity he wasn't doing anyone any favors, especially himself.

So that is why, one not so very special day a month or so later when The Doctor had taken a break from tinkering in the console room, the TARDIS seized control of the navigation controls and set them on a path towards Earth, the planet the Doctor had always been so fond of.

The Doctor felt it the moment the ship began to move. He could feel his hearts leap inside and he almost felt a twinge of what he used to feel. The memories of the feelings he used to get before he walked outside onto a whole new planet for the first time ran through his mind. He felt lighter just for a single moment before it was gone.

He moved quickly from the kitchen back to the console room, and examined the problem. This body was quite the mechanic, and secretly he was hoping that this problem might give him something new to work on. He didn't do much else these days.

He sighed when he realized the TARDIS was up to her old tricks. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and waved it over the panel, yet he could feel the TARDIS resisting. He upped the setting just a bit.

He continued to sonic the panel but could tell it wouldn't be of any use. After all, it was the TARDIS that had made this new screw driver for him. "Just let me be!" He yelled out to the room. But the TARDIS didn't listen. Eventually, the sonic failed and he resigned himself to waiting for the TARDIS to land. When she did, he looked at the screen to discover where she had taken him.

Earth. Of course she would bring him here. It was 2005 and they were in good old London, England. Not too bad a year if he remembers correctly.

No, he thinks. He has to stop himself. He was always a bit too curious. He didn't want to leave, he told himself. No, he would just go back and grab a banana and do a bit of the old jiggery pokery with the navigation wiring. No more of this random materializing.

He turns around and tries to leave, really. But he can't help looking towards the door that he hadn't opened since…

He feels the TARDIS prodding at his mind, pushing him towards the door. Sod it, he thinks before he grabs his jacket on the railing and puts it on. He's going out. He pats his chest pocket to make sure the sonic is there then opens up the door and walks out before he can change his mind.

As soon as the light from the sun hits his face, he closes his eyes and he smiles for the first time in this new body. He can't help it. The sun feels good and he can hear people talking and laughing. He can smell the grass and the trees and the flowers. He finds that the sounds around him make him feel not so alone.

He opens his eyes and sees himself in a park. The TARDIS was parked beside a tree and from his vantage point he could see people walking about or settled on blankets with their families having a picnic. There are humans walking all around. There is so much life that for a moment his guilt, his loss is forgotten.

It is nice to be on Earth again, seeing that ridiculously persistent race of humans. He looks around and decides to take a short stroll. He walks with a lightness in his step and he is already feeling better. Inside, he knows that this isn't deserved. But, he decides, if he can't die then he might as well live.

With this in mind, he takes a turn and heads downtown. The sun is out and people are everywhere. People shopping, rushing to work or simply going on a walk like he was. It was nice. He almost forgot how satisfying it was just to observe.

After walking a few blocks, he sees a young woman up ahead of him sitting on a bench, looking very exhausted. She has a baby who is wailing in her arms, and she's doing all she can to hush it. He can tell that she hasn't had sleep for days and he feels a bit sympathetic.

He stops and sits down by her. "Bit of a crier, he is" he says. He is a bit surprised that his voice has taken on a northern accent, but brushes the thought away.

The woman laughs but it's not because of joy. "A bit?" She says, exasperated. "He hasn't stopped for ages".

He nods. "Do you mind if I touch his head? I'm a doctor, and it usually does the trick."

The woman just leans towards him, probably willing to try anything. He places his hand on the little human's temple and sends a minor telepathic calmness that soon has the baby silent and sucking on his thumb.

The woman looks up down at her baby then back up to him and gives him a relieved grin. "Thank you so much, sir! You have no idea how much I've tried to get him to be quiet".

He smiles back. "You're welcome". It was nice helping people again. The woman gives him one last thankful look before looking at her watch and giving him a quick goodbye before leaving.

The Doctor relaxes against the back of the bench as she walks away. But soon his smile is gone, the initial relief of being outside disappearing. He still feels the oppressive weight of all that happened on his shoulders. He knows that he will never forgive himself for what he did and no matter how many times he stops a child from crying, that will never change, for how could anyone for give that?

He toys with the idea of returning to the TARDIS, and forgetting about this little outing but the door to the store where he was sitting outside, opens and grabs his attention.

Out walks another mother with her son tugging at her skirt while she is busy taking her phone out of her purse.

"But mum, I promise it moved!" said a little boy to his mother.

She glanced down from her phone that she was typing a number into and said "Timmy, the mannequins are just fake. They don't move."

He can feel his interest being tugged at. People always underestimated the children. They never knew how many times that the little buggers were actually right.

"But mum, it turned its head and looked right at me!" The boy continued, fruitlessly.

The mother finished dialing the number and adjusted her bags to one arm and took the boy's hand with other. "Timmy, stop being silly." She says, before walking away.

The Doctor stares after them then gets up and turns around to look through the store window. The mannequins stood, still as ever.

He thinks about turning around, but the boy's words and trouble's inane ability to keep finding him urge him to take out his sonic and take a quick scan, which confirms his amounting suspicion. The Autons are here. And it is with a sinking feeling that he realizes that Polymos, the home of the Autons, was one of the planets destroyed in the Time War.

He knows he'll never be able to completely pay for the lives he took, but perhaps he could somehow try by saving others.

He takes a quick look up at the department store called Henrik's, before pocketing his sonic, and walking in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you're enjoying the story so far. I know it is going by quick, but currently I'm just toying with a new writing style. I hope you like it, and I promise things will start to get exciting in the near future.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s near closing time, from what he can tell. There are barely any customers left, and he can see that the staff was getting antsy to leave. He has been out longer than he had thought.

He takes a cursory glance around the department store before pulling out his screw driver. After a scan, he discovers that there is a very high concentration the living plastic, quite possibly stored in the basement.

And by the looks of it, there is too much to be able to simply remove it all. There was also that fact that judging the progression of the animation state they were in, they were about to become fully mobile. This was not a problem that would be taken care of easily.

His mind works quickly and somewhere inside, the Doctor is happy to be back in action.

He fishes in his pockets for something useful. He pulls out a reasonable sized explosive and a matching detonator. Quite a handy thing to have, these endless pockets.

Blowing up the store was not preferable, but it would take care of the problem.

He places the explosive back into his pocket and turns around. A quick trip to the TARDIS would be in order and then he would be back by the time everyone had left. He turns around to leave, almost giddy just to be doing something again, but he is stopped by a soft, human wall.

The girl he bumps into makes a startled noise and drops the pile of clothes she was holding to the floor. The Doctor, hardly bothered by the collision asks, “Are you alright?” and bends down to help her with the clothes.

She looks up at him and he can’t help but note the deep, rich brown of her eyes, lined by black eyeliner and mascara. For a moment he thinks he sees flecks of gold but when he looks again, it’s gone. Human eyes are so similar to Time Lords and for a moment his mind wandered back to his home planet. But he pushes the thought away quickly.

The girl in front of him reaches up to tuck a strand of her bleached blond hair that had been falling around her face behind her ear. “S’okay.” She says. Her lips curl into a small smile. “A bit clumsy, I am. Probably not even your fault.”

He gives her a smile and soon they finish picking up the clothes and stand. She reaches out for the clothes he is holding and he places them into her hand. He is about to apologize again before making a dash for it, but then his hand touches the soft skin of hers and the world stops.

As soon as it happens he feels like something has slid into place inside of him. He feels something akin to the cloister bell of the TARDIS is going off throughout his mind and he’s not quite sure why but something is telling him that this girl is special, and he’s meant to be here, with her, at this very moment. He knows this feeling, and he should have seen it coming. This, for some reason, was one of the fixed points.

But something is stranger about this. Usually he keeps those fixed points in time on a list in his brain, to let himself know what not to mess with in his adventures. There weren’t too many to remember, especially for him, but he couldn’t remember this as being one of those things.

And how does meeting a human London girl in 2005 matter? He’s met lots of humans. He can understand why the whole thing in Pompeii was a fixed point. A whole volcano going off was definitely notable, but him meeting a simple human who works a shop, didn’t seem… it just wasn’t notable.

His mind is working fast, trying to figure it out, but then he’s shaken out of his trance when the girl, with the clothes once again in her arms, holds out her hand. “Thanks, I was nice meeting ya.” She tells him, with a grin.

He grabs her hand again. Too fast, he thinks, and hopes she doesn’t notice. He likes the way her hand feels in his. He looks at her, smiling at him, and asks “What’s your name?”

She pulls her hand back, and he has to remind himself to let her. “Names Rose.” She replies. He wonders if she can feel this too. She doesn’t seem to, though. She’s just standing there, maybe a little tired from work, talking to him just like he’s a customer. She looks just like any normal girl.

He’ll have to look into it later, though. He had a building to blow up.

He gives her a nod. “Nice to meet you, Rose. See ya around?” He asks her, placing his hands in his pockets, and plastering a grin onto his face.

She gives him a look he can’t quite decipher, and says “Sure”. And he’ll hold her to that, he thinks. He walks back to the entrance to the store and looks back, to see her walking away, with the pile of clothes in her hands, before he steps forward and out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

When he is back in the TARDIS, he focuses mainly on the Auton problem. His hands are busy concocting the solution required to create the antiplastic. There are equations and ingredients running through his mind, but right there alongside those thoughts are the thoughts of the girl with brown eyes.

He wonders why he was supposed to meet her, or why she was supposed to meet him. Why the one day he decided to come out of his cave that she was waiting for him. Or more likely, waiting to crash into him.

It is strange and distracting, and presents him with something else to think about to keep him from slipping back into his miserable memories, for which he is grateful for.

When he finishes crafting the antiplastic, he pours it into a small glass vile, corks it, and tucks it into his chest pocket, where he knows it will be safe. And because he's curious, he turns the monitor towards him and types "Rose" into the system along with the place and year. It takes a while to find his Rose, but he does and disappointingly finds nothing incredibly remarkable. She's just a normal girl from a normal shop.

It puzzles him, but he doesn't have the time to think about it anymore. He has to go back to the store and get rid of the Autons to buy time for him to find the bloody Nestene Consciousness and hopefully convince it to leave Earth the hell alone.

With this in mind, he twists a few knobs and pulls a few levers and sends the TARDIS towards to department store.

He gets there without a hitch, which was quite lovely considering he hadn't flown the old girl for weeks. Before he exits, he turns around to give the room the once over, looking at the coral columns and the new grating to walk on, giving him space to work below. He pats the coral column, lovingly. "Not bad." He comments to the TARDIS, before closing and locking the door behind him.

The key he pulls from his pocket is new, to go along with the new room and perhaps the new body he supposes. This being the first time he's used it, he notices that the seal of Gallifrey is absent. He stares at it for a few more seconds before sliding the thing into his pocket. Best not to dwell too long.

Taking a cursory look around, he can tell the TARDIS has landed him somewhere in the back alley of the store. Getting in isn't any trouble. With a wave of the screw driver, he unlocks the door and slips inside.

He makes his way down to the basement, figuring that they have a stockpile of mannequins down there. The elevator ride down in long a boring and he almost feels an itch under his skin, telling him to move, or just to do something. The feeling is old and familiar. Its comforting in a way, and hopefully, the Doctor thinks, he can use it to do some good. However, when the doors open at the bottom floor the feeling is gone immediately.

On the floor outside the open doors, there is a man on the ground lying still. His hands are bloody, covering the hole in his stomach. He doesn't even have to check to know that the man is dead.

After a quick inspection, the Doctor knows that it is the Autons are at work. He's disgusted in this waste of a precious human life. Resolution hardening, he steps over the man to continue on with the mission.

And the mission shouldn't have been too hard. Really, it shouldn't have been much of a problem at all to leave the explosive, find his way to the TARDIS, and get out in time. It was supposed to be quite simple actually, but as the Doctor knows from experience, nothing ever goes as planned. Because this time, he finds her there.

He was walking down some stairs when he spots her, backed against the wall, her eyes closed tight. The mannequins around her, thankfully just starting to move, are closing in at a slow pace.

Without a thought, he rushes down the stairs and runs the rest of the way until he's at her side. The mannequins are pressing closer, but that doesn't matter because they won't be able to hurt her. Not while he's here.

He slides his hand into hers and she lets him, her fingers adjusting to interlace with his own like it is something they've done a thousand times. Her hand fits into his grasp perfectly and he can't help smiling when her head snaps up to look at him. She looks surprised and little bit worried but he can take that worry away.

"Run," he tells her.

And he doesn't have to ask twice before they're off.

They run down the rest of the long hallway, her hand never leaving his. When they get close to the end, he knows that they need a place to stop and think up a way to get out. "Where's a room without the mannequins?" he asks, not missing a step.

And she keeps up. "Shoe storage," She pants out. "to the left."

When he gets there, he swings the door open with one hand, and pushes Rose inside with the other before shutting both of them inside a room with several shelves full of shoes.

He sonics the door to make sure the Autons can't get in while Rose leans on the shelves catching her breath. This would put a slight hitch in the plan, but not by too much. He was still working out a new one when he turns around to look at Rose, who is now looking at him warily. He doesn't know quite what to say, human's always varied in their reactions to aliens.

"Hello," he says to her, giving her a little wave, letting her take the lead.

"Just what," She asks, pinning him with her stare, "the hell was that?"

He looks at her for a moment, taking her in. She's regarding him cautiously, although without fear. In fact, she doesn't seem afraid at all. She just looks a bit confused, and out of breath. And maybe just a little bit angry. And he would be lying if he said he wasn't a little bit pleased that she wasn't one of those people who freaked out at the unexplainable.

"They're called Autons." He explains. "Animated plastic, if you will."

She blinks at him, then ventures a step towards him. "What, like, some sort of science experiment? Robots or somethin'?"

He laughs. "Yeah," he answers. "Or something."

He brushes past her to look around. He's sure she has more questions—they always do—but the situation is only going to get worse the longer they sit around chatting. "Is there some way out of here without using that door?" he asks.

Rose uncrosses her arms and looks around. "Should be a door in the back," she says. He moves down the aisle and begins walking along the wall to a door that looked like it was squeezed into the floor plan as an afterthought, placed between two shoe shelves. Rose follows him without hesitation. "Who are you anyway? You're not just some normal bloke, are you?" She says it like it's a statement, not a question.

He looks back at her while he points his sonic at the door, and winks before it opens. "After you, Rose."

She narrows her eyes at him and he knows that she knows he's being coy, but she walks through the door anyway.

Thankfully, the hall is clear and he starts off to the center of the building just like he had planned originally. As he walks, he takes an explosive from his pocket and places it by the wall. He has three total and he plans to place them all a fair distance from each other.

"What's that?" Rose asks.

After a few more yards he places the second one down. "Gotta take care of those Autons someway Rose. You saw them, we can't let them out of this building." He continues walking without looking back, then he remembers the body he found when he walked in. "They already killed someone." He added.

This time, when he sets the third explosive down, he can't help but look back at Rose. She is looking at him with wide eyes. "Dead?" She asks him. "One of my co workers?"

"Yeah," he said grimly. "And it could be more is I don't get rid of them quick."

She looks like she wants to say something but over her shoulder, he sees a group of mannequins walking stiffly around the corner. He looks back to her. "Behind you, Rose. Follow me He would have to move quickly now, the plastic was already in motion

They are running up the stairs next, towards the exits. Hopefully the stairs would slow them down, but he wasn't counting on it. When they reached the top of the flight, he paused, giving Rose time to catch her breath. Poor girl, he thought. What did she do to get stuck, tangled up with him? Pulling out the detonator, he makes a decision here, and he hopes it is for the best.

"Go home Rose Tyler." He commands. He holds the detonator tightly in his hands, his thumb tracing the edge of the red button as he begins to stride down the hall again. All he needs to do is press it, and the Autons won't stand a chance.

But the girl follows and grabs his arm, stopping and making him halt his own steps. To his dismay, she moves in front of him and crosses her arms. He knows now from the frustrated look on her face that she has reached her threshold of unanswered questions. "Are you seriously going to think I'm just going to let you march in here and blow up the building?" she asks. "Are you some sort of terrorist or something?" And despite her legitimate accusation that he might be a terrorist, she still stands in front of him blocking him from his path to destruction.

Her bravery makes him pause, and he drops his hands to his sides. "I'm not a terrorist," He tells her. "I'm a doctor The Doctor." He isn't quite sure why he says the last bit like it's supposed to be impressive, why he wants to seem impressive to her. But he continues looking down at her anyway, using his height to loom over her.

She does not shrink back, which is something a bit new.

She arches her eyebrow and continues to speak. "What if there are still people inside? I was still inside!" She cries out. "Were you going to blow me up as well?"

She looks up at him like he might be some sort of monster and he realizes that he doesn't want her to look at him that way anymore. So he gets a bit defensive. "No, of course, not! I saved you from the mannequins didn't I?"

She stares up at him for a few more moments, her brown eyes maybe searching for something in his, though he's not quite sure what. Finally she uncrosses her arms, losing her defensive demeanor, and shakes her head. "I just can't… I can't believe that we're talkin' about evil mannequin things."

"Well, you saw them for yourself." He tells her. He doesn't have time for people who still refuse to believe what is right in front of their eyes.

"I know, I know. It's just a bit wacky, that's all." She's silent for a few more moments, and then looks up at him again. She sighs. "Well, if you're going to blow it up, I'm coming with you." There's an air of finality in her voice, like she's resigning herself to this course of action.

"It will be dangerous" he tells her. And hell, anything is dangerous with him. Honestly he hadn't even double checked to see if there was anyone in left in the building, he didn't think twice about the body on the floor outside the elevator, and now, after talking to Rose, it scares him. He had gotten too used to war, too used to all the casualties. The body count near the end of the war had begun to not even matter and now, he realizes, that it really should.

Why he didn't even realize that until now, he doesn't know. But he knows that Rose has reminded him of what is really important. And maybe he needs someone to remind him once in a while.

"I know," she says simply.

And then, just like before, he holds out his hand and she grabs it, and they take off running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the Kudos you guys! They keep me writing


	5. Chapter 5

They don't stop running until they finally get outside of the building. They both turn back as he takes the hand that isn't holding Rose's and pulls out the detonator again. Before he presses it however, he looks back to Rose.

He notes her youthful appearance as he observes her bleached blond hair and her mascara laden eyelashes. She couldn't be out of her early twenties. Her pink sweatshirt and matching lip gloss would say that she's the kind of girl who wouldn't care much about stuff that didn't involve her. But he already knew that wasn't true. And she's also reckless. It takes something special to hold onto some stranger's hand and watch as he blows up a building she worked in for who knows how many years. It's a quality that he's always loved in humans. That urge to be a part of something bigger than what they thought they were destined for.

When she looks at him again, as if to say "what are you waiting for?" he doesn't hesitate in pressing the button.

They turn and run across the street, watching Henrik's go up in flames. Car alarms started going off, and people started screaming and running and in this place where chaos was taking place, Rose just stood there. She stared up at it all in disbelief and maybe a little awe, like she couldn't believe it was all happening.

While she watched, the Doctor reluctantly let go of her hand. It would be better, he knows, if he just left her here, left her with a hell of a story to tell, or a memory that she will always look back on and wonder if it ever really happened. Fixed point or not, this girl deserved her chance to live her life without him in it.

He takes one last look at her looking up in wonder at the destruction he caused and turns around, ready to return to the TARDIS and try to track a signal back to the Consciousness. He's just outside the doors when he hears her voice.

"Hey!" She shouts at him. He continues forward and fits the key that somehow ended up in his hand into the lock.

"I said hey!" She shouts a bit louder this time. He tries to turn the key, only to find that it won't turn. Looking dejectedly up at the TARDIS and finding the forces of the universe against him he finally turns around to face her, ready to turn her away.

He finds her staring at him, walking towards him warily. She crosses her arms, probably trying to conserve some warmth in this windy weather. "Where are you goin'?" she asks him.

"I've got to find the thing controlling all of the Autons." he tells her. "They'll just keep broadcasting and making mannequins move unless I stop them."

"It's all up to you then." She says, a trace of amusement in her voice. "You're the only thing standing between us and the destruction of what… London?"

"Whole world actually." He replies, feeling the corners of his lips tug into a smile as he leans against the TARDIS doors.

She ducks her head down, the lifts it again, smiling at him. "So this is good-bye then?" She asks, her smile tapering off as she stares at him, questioningly.

As he looks at her, he can't help but wish that it wasn't. He can't explain exactly why he wants to come back, but then again he never does. He only ever knows who, and already he can tell that Rose is someone he would have asked to come with him if he had met her before the war. And maybe that's why the words "maybe not" slip from his mouth without his permission, despite the fact that he should really leave this girl now.

He stays out a bit longer, just enough to see the smile return to her face, then turns and slides through the TARDIS doors which, he notes with a shake of his head, now open with ease. He runs up the grating and towards the console. He presses a few buttons, pulls a lever, and turns on the monitor, watching Rose watch the TARDIS as it begins to dematerialize.

The next few hours he finds, go quickly and without anything eventful. There was that problem of being unable to track to Consciousness without a piece of the plastic it was controlling, which kept him busy monitoring London for anymore of the living plastic. This was the type of work that he didn't much like. He never cared for the waiting part of his job but that wasn't the only reason he didn't like sitting around, watching the clock tick the minutes by. He didn't want to wait any longer than he had to—the longer he waited the stronger the Autons got. But that problem couldn't be helped.

But later, a few hours into the monitoring, the TARDIS picked up a large signal, something alien, indicating a different type of living plastic mishap, leading him to believe it was something a bit more complicated than simply broadcasting a signal to pieces of plastic in a store. It was this signal that led him back to Rose and her new plastic friend in a pizza parlor in downtown London.

If he were someone else, he would think that it was a complete coincidence that he met her again. But he was the Doctor, and coincidence was not something he commonly encountered. This could only mean that the Autons were on to him, and they knew they could use Rose to get to him.

Acting quickly, he grabbed a wine bottle and made his way to the table, listening as the plastic man interrupted what Rose was saying to question her about his whereabouts.

"Excuse me, was I talking?" Rose asked the plastic man in front of her sarcastically. The Doctor smiled as he offered the plastic man champagne.

He was denied twice before he made his presence known. Some people—or plastic—are just so dense sometimes, he thinks. The ensuing fight was quick and although they ended up breaking a few things, he ended up with what he wanted—the head.

Running out the back door with Rose behind him, he makes for the TARDIS. He puts the key in and turns it, calling out to Rose over his shoulder to just come in and stop with trying to open the padlocked gate.

Without another word, he walks in and places the plastic head on the console, hooking up the wires that would connect it to the navigation and tracking systems of the TARDIS. After he was done with that, he watched with amusement as Rose stubbornly refused to walk onto the TARDIS until the last possible moment.

He is so focused on her when she finally runs through the door and up the ramp, that he doesn't notice the lights of the TARDIS flare brightly for a split second before returning to normal.

The Doctor finds himself missing that look in the eyes of the humans walking onto the TARDIS for the first time. He likes watching them see the impossible, the accepting it because it was right there, in front of their eyes, impossibly real.

He eagerly awaits as Rose runs back outside, checking to dimensions of the Police Call Box and then running back inside to confirm that yes, it is bigger on the inside. And when those same words fall from her lips with amazement, like they have from his many other companions, he finds himself happier than he has been since the annihilation of his people. He feels fantastic.

When he explains that yes, he is an alien and is that alright? And she replies "yeah," just as quickly, he knows that he was right about Rose being special. He knows now that he won't be able to just leave when this problem is solved.

When he sees tears leak from the corners of her eyes, he smiles and says "culture shock, happens to the best of us" because it really is quite a bit to take in.

"This is my ship," he tells her. He's proud of his TARDIS and eager to tell her about it. "It's called the—"

"TARDIS" She cuts in, then pauses with her mouth hanging open. She shuts it then tilts her head, looking confused. She releases her hand that was gripping the railing and lets it fall to her side, then shakes her head as if to shake that piece of information away. "Sorry… I don't know how I know that."

He narrows his eyes and stars looking at her differently. How did she know that? It wasn't exactly like the word TARDIS was a common piece of knowledge. To anyone else, it was just a blue box, out of its time. But that wasn't the point. How did Rose know what it was called? For moment he wondered if she was who she was said she was, but the confused look on her face told him otherwise. She could just be a good actor, but there was something genuine about her, something that he couldn't put his finger on.

But before he could think anything more about it, she says "Mickey." When he gives her a confused frown, she points behind him. "My boyfriend's head is melting."

He turns around and curses internally. "No, no, no!" he yells in frustration. He's used to just shouting to the empty room, but now there's someone listening.

"What is it?" Rose asks him. She runs up from the ramp, watching him scramble for the right switches, trying desperately to follow the signal to its source. And he finds, as they hop off the TARDIS to find the Consciousness, he still likes having someone there to run his gob off to.

The following events pass in the blink of an eye it seems, from finding the Nestene Consciousness to accidently dropping the anti-plastic into it. And he wouldn't have been able to do any of it if it wasn't for Rose, as she kindly points out to him as he stands in the alley, one foot in the TARDIS and the other on the pavement.

He still hasn't had the time to wonder about her knowing about the TARDIS, but he knows that it is a mystery that he wants to pursue. And, he finds, it isn't the only reason that he wants to ask her to join him. He is done moping, he finds, and with the TARDIS's gentle nudge in the back of his mind he can't find any other reason not to ask her to come with him. He needs to start saving people again, and not just because it's what's right, but because of the guilt. For all he knows there could be thousands more species out there affected by the war and he has a need inside of him to fix as much of that as he can. The weight of their suffering weighs on him heavily, but with Rose, he feels a bit lighter and that feeling is something he can't, and won't deny himself.

"Right then, I'll be off. Unless… I don't know" He says, pushing the words out, "you could come with me? The TARDIS isn't just a London hopper, you know. It can go anywhere in the universe." He watches eagerly for her reply. She bites her lip and pushes her hair behind her ear and looks down at her boyfriend Mickey, who, he notices with distaste, clings to her legs like a child.

His opinion of him lessens even further when he says "Don't Rose, he's an Alien. He's a thing." The Doctor has to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. Not much patience, this body has.

"He's not invited." He says nodding his head towards Rose's sad excuse of a boyfriend. How Rose ended up with him, he didn't want know. "You could stay here and fill your life with work, food, and sleep, or you could go anywhere." He says turning to her again, trying to entice her. He knew Rose wanted more than the life she had now. She was meant for something more. He knew because she didn't hesitate in coming with him. She practically pushed her way into his life and instead of running or cowering away like Mickey did, she grabbed hold of the chain and swung to his rescue.

That is why he's surprised when she says no. His hearts fall when she pats Mickey's back and says "I've gotta take care of this lump" and while yes, someone definitely needed to take care of him, Rose shouldn't have to be that person. Rose deserved more than that.

He's still in a state of disbelief when he swallows and pushes out "Okay. See ya around." and hurries back into the TARDIS. He heads up the ramp and has already pushed the button that will put him back into the vortex, when he realizes that it can't be as simple as that. That they would just say goodbye and go their separate ways. He refuses to believe that Rose doesn't want to come. He doesn't know why but he knows that she did. Call it an inflated ego, but it was this belief that caused him to turn the TARDIS around and head right back to that alley way.

When he had fully rematerializes, he opens the door and with a smile, does something that he has never done before. He asks a second time. "Did I mention in also travels in time?" He pulls away from the door, pleased when he sees Rose's smile as she breaks away from Mickey and comes running to him.


	6. Chapter 6

He takes her to the end of the world.

It may have been a tad sadistic, and when the adventure is over he feels a bit guilty. He didn't mean to make her sad. He only meant to make her understand. It wasn't intentional at the time when he hurtled them both towards the future. He had only been aiming to give the TARDIS some exercise after months of being rather stationary. And if he's being honest, to impress Rose.

Now, amidst the hustle and bustle of London, he tells Rose the cold hard truth that he's learned from experience. "You think it'll last forever, people and cars and concrete, but it won't. One day it's all gone. Even the sky." he tells her. Perhaps it wasn't intentional when he brought her to the end of the earth but now he realizes his own underlying intentions: to make her understand. To give her a glimpse of the feeling that he carries with him every day. Now she would know what it felt like to watch your home burn. At least she had a hand to hold, he had made sure of that. And she was able to come back and see it as it was before its destruction.

"My planet's gone. It's dead. It burned like the Earth. It's just rock and dust before its time."

The words tumble out from his mouth. He can't even look her in the eyes when he says it, afraid he'll fall apart. As it is now, it's taking all his strength to keep the cracks inside of him held together so that he won't break. It's something he had gotten better at, though.

When he finally looks at her, he finds sorrow and sympathy in her eyes. "What happened?" she asks tentatively.

To stop from giving too much of himself, he simply says "There was a war and we lost."

"With who? What about your people?" She questions. She's searching again, for something. Her eyes are glued to his but they are still moving, looking for something deeper that she can't possibly comprehend.

"I'm a Time Lord. I'm the Last of the Time Lords." He explains to her. "They're all gone. I'm the only survivor." He neglects telling her that it was by his hand that they were all dead. After all, he had just met her, and he didn't think he could stand her leaving him just yet. "I'm traveling on my own 'cos there's no one else."

He isn't expecting it when Rose takes his hand this time. "There's me." she tells him. And at that moment he is so grateful to have met Rose, and thanked whatever force in this universe sent this girl to him. While the Doctor had never gone without a travelling companion for too long, he never appreciated the presence of his companion as much as he did now.

But he doesn't know if she even wants to stay yet. She had only seen a glimpse of the life he leads. Has Rose had enough of him? He is afraid of the answer. "You've seen how dangerous it is. Do you want to go home?"

She doesn't answer completely, and that's okay he finds. Instead, they end up at a diner with some chips for the both of them, out of Rose's pocket because the Doctor couldn't be troubled with carrying around different currency for every planet, country, and time period. It would clutter up his infinite pockets.

They chat for a bit and after swearing to himself he could see a glimmer of gold in her eyes once more, he has to ask.

"Rose, how did you know the TARDIS's name?" he asks after she finishes a fantastic impersonation of Cassandra.

She looks up at him from her chips, mouth releasing the straw of her drink as she sets it down. She squints her eyes in an expression he is learning to equate with her thinking face. There's a bit of a pause before she answers. "Don't know, honestly." She replies. "I was kind of hoping it was one of your alien things. I kind of just assumed so after you said the TARDIS could get into your head to translate languages and stuff."

He studies her a moment. "But you don't believe that." he says, and it's not a question.

"Would it be weird," She asked "if I said the moment I walked into the TARDIS it felt, I don't know, familiar?" She seems tentative in what she is saying, like she is trying to make the words she's saying make sense to him, even as she tries to make sense of them herself.

"Maybe," he says. "If you were a Time Lord, which you aren't."

Her expression turns to a more worried one. "Does that mean there's something wrong with me?"

"No." he answers. But he can't help but feeling that whatever is going on with Rose might not exactly be right either. "Might just be a time thing." He tells her, tells himself. "Have you ever felt that sort of déjà vu feeling, that you've done something before?" she nods. "That feeling is actually caused by time crossing or folding on itself. It makes people think they've done the same thing twice when they've only done it once." As he spouts this offhand theory, Rose stops eating her chips and stares at him, listening intently. "It's not uncommon. Time isn't a straight line, and is likely to cross and fold on itself and sometimes you humans can sense that. I could explain the mechanics of it all but you wouldn't understand." This theory could explain the familiarity she felt, but it couldn't explain why she knew the TARDIS's name. He doesn't tell her that.

Rose raises an eyebrow. "What, my little human brain can't handle your Time Lord theories?" she challenges.

He smirks. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

"So, there's no way I'd understand that one reason the TARDIS might have felt familiar is because through some sort of complicated time thing, my brain recognized it?" She breaks eye contact to grab her soda and take a sip. Her tongue is playing with the straw. "Don't 'cha think that's a bit of a stretch?" Her eyes find his again, and he knows she's playing with him somehow.

She's a quick learner, he'll give her that. "When you're with someone like me, nothing's impossible." He says right back. She smiles at him, and he decides that it's time to leave this little diner.

They walk back to the TARDIS and when they walk inside, he decides to give Rose a room. After all, she hadn't had any sleep since he met her and she would need somewhere to be by herself for a bit. He had to check in engines anyway.

He tells the TARDIS in his mind to fix up a room, but he's surprised when it readily sends him an image of a door with a rose engraved on it. He writes it off as the ship being happy about him bringing someone on board again.

"I've got to check on the TARDIS, why don't you take a look at your room?" He says, pressing some buttons to bring up the engine statistics.

"I've got a room?" She asks incredulously.

He smiles at the hope in her eyes as she tugs at her red and rather dirty sweatshirt. "Yeah, you definitely need a shower." He admonishes. "You apes begin to reek after a while."

She shoves at his shoulder then hops down from the grating to the hallway leading away from the console room. "Where is it?"

"Just walk down the hall. It's the door with a rose on it."

She looks back at him as opens her mouth as if she's going to ask a question. But instead, she closes it and rolls her eyes and turns to walk away.

"You don't exactly smell like roses yourself, you know." She shouts over her shoulder.

He begins to sputter out a reply, but she's already gone. Stupid apes, he thinks as he returns to checking the monitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those of you who have read so far! Especially for those who left a Kudos and a comment ;) Hope you liked this chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

Rose continues to impress him in their following adventures. She may be new at the whole saving the world thing but she's a quick learner. She doesn't get in the way and is mostly nothing but helpful until she stumbles into trouble which is rather often. But that's part of the fun.

Nothing like that kid, Adam, that she insisted bring aboard for that little trip to Satellite 5. He feels utter disdain at the thought of him.

There are moments when they look at each other and he swears that she's really seeing him. Not as a teacher or an alien, but as an equal and it's refreshing. He feels the need to looks after her, but not in that fatherly way that he would with some of his other companions. She becomes a great friend and a willing student to the wonders of time and space. They get along easily and he finds her company pleasant and their companionship more… easy than with his past companions.

She makes him laugh and he loves watching her grow into herself, reaching a potential she never thought she could reach. She is brave and selfless and it keeps his rage in check.

And she could handle it too. This is what set her apart from the other humans. She doesn't care that he is an alien and really clever. She doesn't care that he is centuries older and war-ridden and broken. She looks at all that and she tells him to stop when he is going too far. And sometimes, he listens.

And more importantly she makes him forget. Sometimes he feels himself falling back into that dark place that he was in before he met her. Sometimes he sits in the library in the dark and stares at the volumes on the shelves that document Galifrey and its history, and the books that contain his favorite childhood stories of adventurous Time Lords. He can't bring himself to even touch them. But then she comes striding in with two cups of tea, turns on a light, and asks him what's next before plopping down beside him and he smiles and talks to her about everything and nothing.

She doesn't leave him alone and while it can be annoying at times, he's grateful that her eagerness because it keeps him moving. It keeps him living. He can't stand to fail the universe again, and she can't either. So hand in hand, they pull each other out of the dark and push against those who would wreck havoc in the universe.

It's nice and while Rose's incident with the TARDIS still confuses him, he even manages to file that away into the back of his mind.

His mind picks up so many things that he's bound to forget something until it's brought up again, which is probably why he doesn't even notice the words "Bad Wolf" following them through space and time.

Today, after a month of being with Rose, he is in the console room, tinkering away with the TARDIS. The aforementioned human is in bed, sleeping off their last adventure, woefully unaware of the hard work he is putting into the TARDIS. At the moment, he is handling a jumble of wires, screws and god knows what else, trying in vain to put it back where it all was to begin with.

The TARDIS is laughing at him and he knows it. The only reason he pulled the parts out in the first place was to give himself something to do until Rose woke up.

While he continues to try and shove the pieces of wiring back into its original position, he is suddenly distracted by an image of Rose in his mind. The TARDIS is practically shoving it inside his head—it is of Rose in her bed, eyes closed and screaming. Her arms are thrashing everywhere and the blankets are bunched around her in a messy heap.

He immediately drops what he's doing and jumps up. He's running before he can even finish registering the entirety of the image.

He gets to Rose's door in just a few seconds, but if feels like too long to him. When he opens the door, he is met with the sound her screams. He rushes to her bed, not noticing the TARDIS brightening the lights in her room.

"Rose!" The Doctor yells at her. He is sitting on the bed now, trying to grab her flailing arms and pin them down. "Rose, calm down it's just a nightmare!" Her screams stop but her eyes are still shut tightly and she's still trying to move her arms, like she's trying to reach for something.

The Doctor is no stranger to bad dreams. He can't imagine what is making Rose this worked up but he knows it can't be good. When he sees the tears leak out form her eyes, he reaches his hand down to touch her temple, figuring he could help her come out of her night terror. When he does however, he is greeted with a shock to his fingers when they meet her skin.

He pulls back, confused. He knows that feeling but it doesn't make sense that it's coming from Rose.

However he doesn't have much more time to think about it because Rose's eyes suddenly flutter open. The Doctor is once again privy to the unmistakable golden iridescence they are giving off. The glow fills up the entire room it seems, but as soon as it was there, it is gone and all that is left is a dream battered Rose, clinging to his jacket.

He looks down at her as she starts to wake up. Not wanting to startle her, he slides his hands from her wrists slowly to her hands until they switch their grip from his jacket and onto his hands. He watches as she blinks her tears away.

"Are you okay?" He asks her gently.

He is startled when she moves her head from her pillow to his lap. Not quite knowing what to do, he leans against the wall so that she might be more comfortable. She is still shaking so he just waits. He knows what waking up from nightmares are like. He just wonders what Rose could have been dreaming about.

She lays there for a while before moving her head from his lap and up into an upright position next to him. Her shoulder is pressed against his now and she's finally looking at him.

"Sorry." She says quietly. "That's the worst one in a while."

He furrows his eyebrows because this has happened before? The thought sparks an unpleasant feeling inside of him. He feels like he should have been there, but really, Rose's sleeping patterns shouldn't really be his business, he reminds himself. "You've got nothing to be sorry about." He tells her. A pause. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She pushes a piece of her messy blond hair behind her ear and sighs. He feels every movement against his shoulder. "It's the same one every time." She explains. "I'm always in this room, holding on to something but something else keeps pulling me away. Every time I end up letting go, no matter how hard I hold on and then I'm falling and screaming and I can't stop until all of a sudden there is nothing. Nothing at all and it terrifies me."

He nods sympathetically. He takes her hand in his, this time for comfort instead of pulling her away from whatever monster is usually chasing them. She rests her head on his shoulder in return and he finds that he quite likes the weight of her head there and the warmth against this side.

"But it ends every time with this, sort of golden explosion. I can't describe it really." She pulls away to look at him, her expression turning from wistful to serious. " I know it's just a dream and all, but could it have something to do with what you said before? Like that déjà vu thing? Because I get that same feeling. The feeling that I've been through it before even though I don't have memory of it."

At the words, something clicks into place in the Doctor's mind. He thinks about her words and the feeling he got when he touched her temple. That the thing he sensed when brushing against her skin was Time.

Time, generally, is everywhere, always passing at a constant rate. Everyone can feel it to some degree but a Time Lord can sense both its discrepancies and its perfection. They can sense the things that will change and the things that can't be changed by time. The Doctor knows the inner workings of the Time Vortex because he has traveled through it his entire life and has become attuned to the feeling of time all around him and inside of him. It runs through his veins and in the air he breaths. Everyone else is a slave to its whim but a Time Lord can control it. At least to some extent.

The puzzle is coming together in his head, but he still doesn't know what the picture is.

For some reason, Rose has had an encounter with Time, most likely the vortex itself, one way or another. Whether it had happened already, or if it's in the future, the Doctor doesn't know. That's the tricky thing with time. You never know when. The after effect of whatever happened to Rose left her with a piece of that time inside of her that leaks out only every so often. Now that the Doctor knows this, he doesn't know why he didn't see it earlier, why he didn't feel it.

She's still staring up at him with those big eyes, brown at the moment, when he comes back to himself after his discovery. "Yes Rose, I think it does." He tells her.

She pushes out a short laugh."Well, are you going to keep all the theories to yourself or are you going to share?"

He gives her a smile. "Don't like sharing much, me." He teases, just to see if she will brighten up a bit.

And she does. "Are you kiddin' me?" She says grinning. "You over share. I can barely get a word in when you start on one of your explanations. 'alien thing this' 'alien thing that'. I'm so clever, blah blah blah" She mimics him.

"Oi! I am clever." He says, nudging her in the side.

She giggles and whacks him on his shoulder. They smile at each other for a moment longer before Rose becomes serious again. "I do get the feeling though that sometimes…" She trails off and glances at they joined hands before looking back to him. "You don't tell me things."

He stiffens and he feels the smile fall from his face. "There are things that you aren't meant to know Rose."

"I'm not trying to be nosey but… you know that you can tell me stuff right? I can tell that you're not always happy, not like you want me to think." She continues, undeterred. He looks away, but she squeezes his hand gently and looks back to her again. "I'm the human here but you… you're allowed to be human sometimes too."

He stares at her and feels the feelings and confessions on the tip of his tongue and almost tells her. Almost. He has never felt the urge to just admit everything to someone like this before. No one has ever seen him like she has and it is terrifying. The things he has done, the guilt he feels. All those children that died on Gallifrey that day… the weight inside his heart is so heavy and he wants so badly to have relief.

But he can't. He can't let Rose know what he has done. It is his responsibility to bear and no one else's.

His hand is on her cheek before he knows what he's doing. "Thank you Rose, really." He pushes as much sincerity into the words as possible so that she knows that he appreciates her concern. "but there are some things that are just not meant to be known." He repeats.

He knows he's disappointed her in a way but he can't bring himself to change his decision. Unable to look her in the eyes any more, he gets up and leaves, because he's too close. Because he needs time sort the feelings in his head out because he is human, in the way he lets his emotions take reign over his thoughts when he should really be concentrating on the piece of time inside of Rose and the possible problems in the unforeseeable future.

"Good night." He says quietly when he reaches the door way.

He hovers there a second more and then leaves when he hears her muffled "g'night" that Rose says more to her pillow than to him.


	8. Chapter 8

While the conversation he had with Rose the night of her nightmare remains unspoken between them, they find themselves falling back to the easiness they had before. It's not hard to when someone needs saving at every moment because really, the concerns of the universe are more urgent.

This job of his keeps him busy, keeps him moving. Between saving the world and keeping Rose entertained, and fixing the TARDIS, he rarely has any time to think about anything else which benefits him just fine. Some days he can almost pretend that everything is okay, that he isn't the murderer of billions.

Today finds them on a planet called Veex, home to a humanoid race that is very handy in creating virtual worlds along with a handful of very techy things used for entertainment. While that might be impressive to a girl like Rose, the Doctor knows that it was nothing compared to the Time Lord technology they had on Galifrey. The thought however, only serves to make him sad instead of proud so he pushes it away like does with all things Galifrey these days.

The TARDIS was being particularly stubborn that day and sent him to an entirely different galaxy from the one he had originally been aiming at. He tells Rose this because it definitely was not his driving that was the problem. She just shakes her head and laughs.

And because they never turn down a chance to explore a new world, they go outside.

He opens the TARDIS's door for Rose and watches as she practically skips down the ramp in her jeans and her favorite pink T-shirt. Her TARDIS key swings back and forth on the chain she wears around her neck almost daily. The sight sends a warm feeling through him.

Once she's out, he closes the door behind him and turns around to find a completely empty street.

Veex is supposed to be a busy place, a place full of a smart and hardworking race geared toward improving their own technology and selling last year's models of to the rest of the galaxy. And they're great at it too, because the Roberian Galaxy is one of the most advanced galaxies in this time period, years ahead of its time.

Veex is also supposed to be one of the busiest planets, which is why it was disconcerting to find it completely devoid of life in the middle of a working day in one of its largest cities.

Rose turns around, puzzled and certainly not impressed due to the fact it wasn't living up to the picture he had painted for this planet. And yes, while he had never actually been to Veex, he had studied it thoroughly which practically makes him an expert. "Where are all the people?" She asks, her eyes wandering to their surroundings.

The cities of Veex are made mostly of metal. The roads are made of a smooth, grey metal, made with grooves lining the entire road as guides for their self driving vehicles run by a magnetic grid that lies beneath it. The streets are also lined with a continuous bar of soft blue light, lighting the way to where he could only guess the center of the city was. Their buildings tower above them and look like they could be the work place of hundreds of thousands people. It's too easy to imagine the place bustling with people which is why it's eerie that it is so empty and quiet.

"I don't know. But let's find out." He answers. He starts following the road to the center of the city, because it seems like as good a place as any to start looking.

They follow the blue light, their footsteps clinking against the metal. There aren't even any vehicles of travel to be seen.

They continue that way for a while, without a word. Neither of them were willing to break the silence that seemed to occupy the planet.

Several minutes passed, and there still wasn't anyone to be seen. A bad feeling crawled its way up the Doctors spine. How were you supposed to find out what was wrong if there was no one to give them clues?

"We should be reaching the center of the city soon." He says, getting antsy. His fingers find their way into the pockets of his leather coat to fiddle with whatever he left in there last.

Rose, who is walking ahead of him, turns around and continues walking backward, her mouth turned up at the corner in a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "Are you sure you didn't land us in some ghost town? Like, this isn't a repeat of Yannef, is it?" She teases lightly before turning around again. She's playing it off like she isn't unnerved, but he can tell that she is. He plays along anyway.

"Oi! Yannef was the TARDIS's fault." He retaliates. All he gets in return is a small wave of her hand, like she's brushing aside his excuse. She's been doing that a lot lately. Probably because he's been giving out a lot of excuses.

She hasn't pressed much about that night of her nightmare. But she gives him a look when he finds ways to change the subject away from what he did before he met her. It's the raised eyebrow and the judgmental look in her eyes as she peers at him from her cups of tea that really mean: "I know exactly what you're doing" and it's terrifying. But even more so is that every time it happens she looks a little bit hurt, like he doesn't trust her. And the thought of losing her because of that makes him terrified. Because all he has left in this word besides his mission of penance, is her.

The realization hits him like a ton of bricks, and he slows to a stop, watching Rose walk away. Just like in his nightmares. Oh, how it would hurt to lose her.

She glances over her shoulder at him and then stops walking, concern flashing across her face as she begins to step over to him. "What is it Doctor?"

He stares at her hard, looking at her blonde hair that falls across her shoulders, at the mascara she wears, less now, than before. He looks at her in her earth clothes and her running shoes, in her complete humanness. The key to his TARDIS, to his home lies against her shirt, her chest, like it belongs there.

Finally he looks into her brown-golden eyes and sees… something. Something that goes beyond the threads of time that somehow found their way into her veins.

"Doctor, are you alright?" She asks, her hand reaching out to touch his shoulder in comfort. "If you look at me with those blue eyes any harder, you might hurt yourself."

At her touch, he shakes himself out of it. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm always fine." He tells her. She doesn't look convinced, so he tries again, his hand reaching to hers and grabing it where it rests on his shoulder. "I'm fantastic, really."

She's biting her lip now, eyes moving between his eyes and where her hand rests of his shoulder. Before she has a chance to reply, he starts walking again, his hand falling from hers and hers falling from his shoulder, and the silence they had before, resumes until the finally get to the center of the city. Here, finally, the Doctor thinks he can get some answers.

In front of them is a huge building, so tall that they can't see the top. Its color is completely black, a stark contrast from the silver, white coloring of the rest of the buildings. Even more strange is that the building doesn't have any windows. The only way to see inside was to look through the glass doors. And what makes the Doctor so sure that this is where they will find answers is that through the glass doors, he sees a Veexian.

"So, this is it." He says to Rose as he feels her step beside him.

"So it is." She replies. He looks down at her and she smiles, a hint of excitement in her eyes that he is sure he mirrors in his own.

He laces his fingers through hers. "Well then. Let's go inside."


	9. Chapter 9

As they walk through the glass doors, the Veexian startles and glances up, the papers in her hand falling to the ground. They're rather humanoid beings, but where Rose's skin is smooth and pinkish, the Veexian's is a flawless metallic grey. Veexians lack any hair that humans have, and the irises of their eyes are almost always purple. This one is wearing clear contacts that some Veexians wear to access data bases and show the wearer information.

While the girl is fixing the papers that scattered with her startled movement, he discretely pulls out his screw driver to make sure that any information about him is erased from the girl's contacts.

He pockets the screw driver and continues forward. "Hello there, I'm the Doctor, and this is my associate, Rose" He says as he strides in, Rose behind him.

The Veexian squints as she searches for information that isn't there on the two of them, her loose papers still in hand. "I'm sorry, um, how can I help you?" She asks distractedly.

Rose steps forward and leans on the counter. "Well," she says casually, "you can start by telling us where everyone's gone."

The Veexian blink a couple of times. "I'm sorry, but don't you know?" She asks.

"Obviously not, so if you could kindly tell us" the Doctor flashes her a grin.

She doesn't look impressed but she continues on. "Everyone's in Elysium." She says plainly, looking at them like they're missing something upstairs.

It all comes together then.

"Everyone?" He asks again, failing to keep the disbelief out of his voice.

The girl—Leeza, her name tag says—looks bored. As he examines her more closely She also looks a bit gaunt. Her cheeks are sunken in, and her uniform hangs loose on her. He files the fact away for later.

"Where's Elysium?" Rose asks.

Leeza squints at her, her opinion of the people who just walked through the door obviously dropping by the second. "Since you people are not from around here, I'll speak slowly." Rose scrunches her nose at that but doesn't say anything. "Everyone is currently in their pods, living Elysium, otherwise known as their own personal virtual world, living their lives in a dream state."

"But what about everyone else? Where are the workers in the city? Don't people have jobs to do?" The questions fall from Rose's lips like a flood of water, and The Doctor smiles. Rose might not have the knowledge that he does, but she's never had a problem asking questions.

"Look, I don't know everything, I just work here to make sure the pods continue running." Leeza says impatiently. When he and Rose just stare at her, she sighs, as if exasperated. "All I know is that a few weeks ago, the price to enter Elysium dropped to almost nothing and everyone flooded the gates." She crosses her arms then uncrosses them, like she's antsy to be anywhere else but there with them. "All of the complexes are at full capacity." She taps her fingers on the counter, clearly ready to be done with this conversation. "Even I'm going straight to Elysium when I get off, which should be any moment now…" she trails off.

While Rose processes, the device Leeza is wearing around her wrist starts beeping, and she looks relieved. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off the clock. I'm headed to my own Elysium." She says without so much as a good-bye before exiting through a door to head somewhere else in the building.

He and Rose look at each other. "Why would someone want to live virtual lives instead of their real ones?" Rose asks him, puzzled.

"Elysium is an adaptive program" he explains. "The longer someone is in it, the more it learns about what they would like to have happen in their lives. It takes their wishes and makes them come true."

Rose still seems a little skeptical so he puts his hand on top of where Rose's sits on the counter and looks her in the eyes before he continues. "Imagine a life where your dog never dies, you never get bullied and you always get all the presents you want for Christmas". He swallows. Then goes deeper. "Imagine a world where your family never dies, and you never have to say good-bye to the people you love." He almost winces as that. He might have said too much. He always says too much, but never about anything that matters. "Would you really be in a hurry to leave all that?" He waits for her response.

She looks at him. No, she looks into him and he almost shudders. "It doesn't matter unless its real though." She says carefully. "You can't just run away from all the bad things. Sometimes you have to face them to get past them."

Somehow she knew it's was not just Veex he is talking about. The corner of her mouth twitches up before resting into her expression of knowing, of empathy.

He closes his eyes. He feels so many things, feels the turmoil inside. He's been adrift, in the ocean of loss inside of him. But it isn't just loss. It is sadness, and anger, and helplessness and terror. There is so much that he feels like he'll never be able to sort it all out or separate one feeling from the other or be able to escape them. But somehow Rose just cut right through the abyss, to the heart of it. He opens his eyes again, feels her gaze anchoring him in place. He feels a little less lost, and a little less alone.

She gives his hand a squeeze, and gives him a lifeline because she knows how heavy the moment is, knows that she needs to give him time. Maybe time can heal all wounds.

"Somethings definitely wrong in Veex, yeah?" She says. It's a statement, and not a question.

He squeezes her hand back before dropping it and heading for the door Leeza just walked through, pointing his screwdriver to unlock it. He looks back at her, his lips tilting upward, and shrugs his shoulders almost helplessly.

"And we're gonna have to fix it. Like we always do."

Authors Note:

hey, I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long! I promise I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, its just that college keeps a girl busy!

Anyways, I'm sorry its so short, I just wanted to post something after so long to let you know I wasn't dead!

Thank you so much for those of you who have commented or favorited this story. Every notification reminded me of this fic, and gave me incentive to keep writing!


End file.
